Days 3 & 4 - Lessons in Contradictions

Taking part in this Challenge has been a lesson in contradictions:

• The first, and most obvious, is the contradiction that one can approximate a life of poverty by limiting food intake to what can be purchased for $31.50 while living the rest of a normal, fairly comfortable life. While I am going through this challenge, I sleep in a comfortable bed in a warm home, drive in my car, carefully plan my meals with consideration to nutrition and health, have use of the internet, friends (including a nutritionist), and cookbooks to plan a healthy diet., can shop around for the best deals, fill up my gas tank, etc.  I am not living a life of poverty and I am not experiencing what someone who lives on food stamps experiences.  But with all of that, taking this Challenge is providing me with some important insights that I would not have experienced without it.

• The second contradiction, however, may be less obvious.  Despite the severe limitations that the Challenge has put on my food intake, I am probably eating a more healthy diet this week then I ever normally eat. While it is lacking in green vegetables and fruit, I am not eating any processed foods, I am doing all of my own cooking, nothing is fried, there are no trans-fats, etc. I recognize that this also is part-in-parcel with the first contradiction - that many people on food stamps may not have the resources, time or knowledge to plan and prepare their meals in the way that I have done. My diet is bland and repetitive and lacks certain important aspects, but I am eating a relatively healthy balance of protein and carbohydrates, along with minimal amounts of dairy (milk in my cereal), fruit (one banana a day) and vegetables (I used my remaining $5 to buy carrots, potatoes and an onion to make a lentil soup). I am not overly hungry, nor am I going to suffer from malnutrition.  But I do think about food all time, thinking about what I can have for my next meal, watching my supplies begin to diminish, etc.  I'm pretty sure, at this point, that I will have enough, but I will not have leftovers.

• The third contradiction builds off of the previous one, and is not really a contradiction, but a juxtaposition.  I am able to see both how the amount of money we provide for the needy is completely insufficient and how the amount of money that I normally spend on food is completely excessive.  Today I had to run an errand near my favorite felafel/schwarma restaurant.  Normally, I would have timed it to stop in and get a schwarma, and probably have a soda with it.  Sometimes, if I'm hungry, I might also get soup.  It is not unusual for that lunch to cost $12 -15.  Not something I do daily, but certainly not unusual to do 1-2 times a week. That would be about 40% of my food budget for the week on one meal.

• The final contradiction, and perhaps the most challenging, is that I feel like I am benefiting from this experience, but those who are in need are not directly benefiting. Yes, there will be some direct benefits - I will be making a donation to N Street Village and I hope that others who are following my experience might make a donation there or to another agency that deals with hunger issues. Yes, I am keenly aware, through many kind messages, that this blog has helped raise other people's awareness.  And yes, I know that awareness is the first step toward action.  But I still can't help feeling that there is something almost narcissistic about this process. I need to think more about how I translate my experience into something that will truly make a difference for those on SNAP.

I have learned one other important lesson - water is my friend.  Whenever I feel hungry, I drink water.  Yesterday, when I was beginning to worry about whether or not I would have enough food and wasn't feeling well , I realized that I could make a lentil soup - while the ingredients themselves would not have satiated me for long, cooked together with 12 cups of water, it has already made a huge difference and will continue to do so. When I am thirsty, I normally tend to reach for a Diet Coke, Orange Juice or something of the like.  I am very aware of the lack of those beverages, but I forget how just plain water is much more effective when one is thirsty and, it turns out, when one is hungry.  Interestingly, water also plays an important role in this week's Torah portion, helping Abraham's servant find an appropriate wife for Isaac.  (Spoiler alert - a likely theme in my Shabbat remarks this week!)

In any case, I feel like I made it over a hump yesterday.  Monday night and Tuesday morning I had been having some pretty bad headaches and was feeling quite irritable. I began questioning whether this was worthwhile and considering how bad would I let myself feel before I might stop.  I don't know what shifted it, but yesterday afternoon, those symptoms went away and haven't returned (so far).

I feel today that my resolve is getting stronger.  This is due, in large part, to the outpouring of supportive e-mails, Facebook messages and comments that people have made.  Thank you - knowing that I am doing this individually, but not alone has made a tremendous difference.  I truly don't think that I would be able to stick to it without your support.  And yet, even as I write these words, I know that  so many who rely on food stamps day in and day out lack that support - indeed, another contradiction.